It's Cilan Time!
by Fallen Snow and Sunstreak
Summary: Cilan and an array of guests have set up a new show! Every episode, a new section of the show will be added! So come on down for... 'It's Cilan Time'
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: South and The Rebirth series are on hold while I work out how to write them on the mobile. So for now, you can enjoy this instead!**

Pokemon Trainers everywhere had crowded around for this event. Half a million seats filled with visitors from all over the Unova region.

That's right.

Lights, Camera, Action for the first episode of...

**It's Dent Time!**

The green-haired man strolled out on stage, and greeted everyone in the studio with a loud and cheery, "Hello, Unova!"

As the applauding died down, Cilan sat on his green soft chair and began to speak,

"Welcome to the very first episode of my brand new show!"

Cilan began to wave his hands around in the air excitedly. "And guess what? To kick everything off, I've got the Youngest Pokemon Master in!"

"That's right! Welcome Ash Ketchum to the stage!"

Music began playing as the raven-haired 12 year old walked on stage, a broad smile on his face. "Hey, everyone!" He yelled, two thumbs up.

"So Ash, what do you have pla-" Cilan was interrupted by Ash's stomach rumbling. The guest shrugged and said, "Hay, I'm hungry!" The audience erupted with laughter as the teen blushed slightly.

"Hey, Cilan, can we just get the first part started already so I can eat?"

The green haired man sighed deeply and yelled over the laughter, "LET'S BEGIN THE FIRST PART!"

Everyone hushed down as the clip began to roll.

**It's Journey Time! Part One [Featuring Ash K.]**

Cilan walked up to Professor Juniper, Ash following close behind.

"Remember Cilan, this is a randomizer. You might not expect what you get..." The Professor stated, before showing the three Poke Balls to the green-haired connoisseur.

Without doubt, Cilan grabbed the middle Poke Ball and yelled, "I choose you!.." Before releasing his new partner. Cilan must have been at least expecting some sort of powerful pokemon, because a Magikarp flopped out of the ball.

"Would you like to see the other Pokemon you could of had?" Professor Juniper smiled.

Nodding, Cilan watched as an Arceus and a Kyurem were released from the two spare Poke Balls.

"Oh Arceus, why'd you do this to m-" The host was cut off as Arceus replied,

"I didn't do anything to you."

Cursing and spitting, Cilan ran out of the Lab, leaving Ash to snatch up Arceus (which is now the Companion's Pokemon) and speed after him.

**What happens next? Find out next time..!**

Cilan blushed a little as Ash glared at him, pouting. "I swear-" he began to say, but Ash cut him off with a "Yeah, you've done that a lot lately...", which caused a ripple of laughter to fill the audience for under five seconds.

Cilan growled a bit, and fell silent, back arched. Realising he had to pretty much fully open the next part of the show, Ash turned to the audience and exclaimed, "Well I guess it's time for Cilan's-" when the host stopped sulking to complain, "That comes after the compet-", when Ash decided to interrupt again, "Nobody cares!"

He then turned back to the audience again, and exclaimed (again), "Well, it's time for Cilan's hour of torture!", getting great pleasure from watching Cilan's discomfort.

The green haired man reluctantly handed Ash the pre-written torture and began to head to the 'I hate this' corner when Ash grabbed him by the arm and yanked him to the 'Torture Box', which had literally just risen from the ground.

The raven haired boy grinned, and announced, "And the torture is...

Being locked in this box while trains laugh at you and taunt you!"

Cilan facepalmed and entered the box reluctantly. Almost straight away, the box was lowered into 'Torture Room 101'. A widescreen TV appeared on stage so the audience had the best view possible.

-10 minutes in...-

Cilan panted. He didn't realise the box was so hot- or was it just him? The host had no idea. Trying not to focus on the dancing, mocking trains, his head began to visibly sweat and his hair began to droop. He was about to press the red eject button, when he thought about the consequences. Shaking his head, Cilan tried to concentrate on something else.

-20 minutes in...-

Cilan groaned and took off his waistcoat, before groaning again and taking off his shirt. The heat and dizziness was so staggering, Cilan couldn't focus on the actual trains anymore. He was on the brink of taking his pants off when he decided to press the button again. Feeling the whoosh of cool air made him relax and lay down.

-Back on stage...-

Ash laughed. "Wow, you really didn't last long on that one..." Cilan huffed, and turned to unexpectedly face a pool of women's perfume (wow a lot of stuff appears randomly, don't you think?) and Ash shoved the battered host towards the pool of stinky perfume. "Forty seconds. Go." Ash grinned and pushed Cilan into the pool head first.

Cilan splashed for ten seconds, before resurfacing, coated with the perfume. The audience was erupting with laughter. Cilan spluttered before shouting, "At least my shirts aren't in here-" before being cut off by Ash throwing his shirts into the pool. The host began to fire curses at Ash, who hauled him out of the pool, his nose covered by a rag.

"Anyway, before we end, here is our competition!" Cilan coughed.

**It's Competition Time!**

**Question: What is N's full name?**

**To answer, PM me your answer, followed with anything you'd like on the show, with the subject as: It's Competition Time! One. There is no deadline.**

"Well- argh, Cilan you stink!- I guess that's the end of today's episode of..."

Cilan joined in with Ash's speech to say,

"See you next time on 'It's Cilan Time!'"

-In the Dressing rooms...-

Ash prodded Cilan expectantly. "Where's my food?" He repeated over and over again, while Cilan stood there, boiling with rage. Eventually, Cilan couldn't contain his rage. He grabbed Ash and-

-These scenes have been censored for your safety-

Cilan pushed Ash's head into the toilet and-

-Some more scenes have been censored for your safety-

Cilan yelled, "You B-

-Geez, he's real mad, isn't he?-

Cilan then raised his fist and-

-Wait, I think he's done...-

Ash lay in a heap on the floor, before Cilan dragged him to the Dead Guest pile.

-End of Episode One-


	2. Chapter 2

**Alright, episode two is up! I apologise for how long it took, but I've been very busy recently. Remember, the competition deadline is Episode Three!**

**Warning: Very slight WishfulShipping refrences. You have been warned.**

Cilan straightened his tie as he strolled into the Zebstrika Channel's filming area. His brother, Chilli, who also happened to be the director, placed a hand on the green-haired man's shoulder.

"Cilan," he whispered, "you know who the special guest is, right?" Cilan's emerald green eyes were suddenly turned on Chili.

"No, I don't." Cilan spoke finally, before making a wild guess. "It's Iris, isn't it?"

Chili nodded. "We know she's your wife and all, but we don't want you to kill another guest! The insurance is already through the roof…" he tried to explain, but Cilan was already preparing on-stage.

_Five minutes later…_

Flocks of people and Pokemon alike flocked into the seats, fighting for good spots to watch. Their excited faces told everyone who saw them that it's Lights, Camera, Action for the brand-new episode of…

**It's Cilan Time!**

As the audience's cheering died down, the camera revealed Cilan, comfortable in his newly designed soft chair. "Greetings, Unova!" he yelled to the audience, who replied with a deafening yell of excitement. "This episode our special guest is a wild addition to the show." He spoke.

"Welcome to the stage, Iris!"

As if she was waiting for her cue, Iris immediately bounced on to the stage. "Hi Unova!" she laughed excitedly before settling in her chair.

"So Iris, what have you been up to?" Cilan decided to ask, even though he knew the answer already. Her response came in three sections.

"Well I was Champion of Unova for a week…" she counted on her fingers. After a moment's thought, she continued, "I became a full-time Dragon-type elite four…" After another moment's thought, she finished with, "And I married you!" A wave of mixed reactions flooded out of the audience as Cilan buried his face in his hands.

"I thought that was secret, Iris…" the host moaned, as Iris's face became full of confusion. "Oh forget it. Roll the tape…"

**It's Journey Time! Part Two.**

Cilan made his way through the tall grass, until suddenly, a random text box appeared, reading 'A wild Iris appeared!' Suddenly he was thrown into a battle with a strange girl, who threw out a Chespin.

"Battle meeeeee!"

Cilan scratched his head with confusion, before his vision became a lot less pixelly. "Iris, that's not how Trainers find battles!" he growled through clenched teeth, mentally facepalming.

"Too late!" Iris yelled, as Cilan's Magikarp was pulled out by a mysterious force, another random box appearing. It read, 'What will MAGIKARP do? Fight, Item, POKe, Run'. Cilan tapped the fight button, and the box changed.

'Which attack? Splash, Tackle'. Cilan, having no knowledge of Magikarp at all, tapped Splash, and watched his Pokemon as the box changed once more.

'FOE's Chespin used Vine Whip!' The box read as Cilan's Magikarp was hit. "No! Magikarp!" he yelled, but it was too late, the move was over.

'It was super effective!' It was then when Cilan noticed strange health bars. Magikarp's read 'LV 5: 10/20', while Chespin's read 'LV 6: 24/24'.

'MAGIKARP used Splash!' Cilan tried to have his fingers crossed, but Iris' laugh put him off.

'But it does nothing…' The host almost died with anger, but the text box changed to something that looked hacked.

'MAGIKARP's stupidity killed it!' Magikarp was recalled into the Poke Ball as Cilan blacked out randomly.

**What happens next? Find out... Next time!**

The camera returned to Cilan attempting to strangle Iris. "I don't care about your pet 'snake' thing!" the host was yelling.

"Yes, you do, Cilan!" The wild-child replied, equally as loud as Cilan's statement. The green-haired man was about to retaliate, but as he realized he was back on camera, he straightened his bow-tie and twirled in a bunch of pink sparkled. "Iris, what's next?" he winked to her.

"It's Torture Time!" Iris exclaimed happily.

Before Cilan was allowed time to protest, he was shoved into another box. "What is it no-" he was cut off as a bunch of Purrloin food was dumped all over Cilan. The man was forced to sit in the box as at least half a million Purrloins were shoved into Cilan's box. There were so many Purrloin that it was hard to even breathe. Imagine having a fear of the things.

In a split second, Cilan began to yell madly. He'd have loved to shove the big red release button, but as he had used it last time, it was removed. So he had to sit there for half an hour. The timer began…

1-10 minutes in…

Cilan began to try swimming through the Purrloin, which was impossible, due to the fact that Purrloin food is always super sticky. He began to sweat madly as flashbacks began to fill his mind. His brain thought he was dying…

11-20 minutes in…

Cilan began to go slowly crazy. His mind told him to kill all Purrloin, which caused him to try to eat the Purrloin. It wasn't successful, in fact, it made the situation worse. Cilan began to be scratched by half a million Purrloin. Now they were all angry.

21-30 minutes in…

The Purrloin had decided to block half of the air holes, making breathing even harder. Cilan's head began to feel light, and the Purrloin still scratching him (they'd torn his shirt to bits) didn't help. Just 29 minutes in, Cilan passed out. He was left there for a minute.

The box Cilan had been held in was finally cracked open, causing a flood of Purrloin to fill the stage. Suddenly, the audience was filled by the Anti-Purrloin Police, who killed all of the Purrloin in their 'Rainbow Centre' mere minutes afterwards.

As Cilan began to come round, he lifted a finger slowly. Iris knew he wouldn't be able to introduce the new section so she began to speak. "So it's a new section of the show now! Get ready for…"

**It's Gaming Time! Part One: Hyrule Warriors (Wii U)**

"So this is Hyrule Warriors…" Cilan muttered to himself, before being interrupted by Iris.

"Put the game on already!" she yelled, clutching the Wii Remote. Cilan turned the game on, and used the Game Pad to select Legend Mode and somehow use Multiplayer to start Part One.

"Yes! I'm the girl with the massive sword!" Iris yelled, pointing at Impa.

"Yeah! I'm the guy in tights!" Cilan yelled, pointing at Link. Cilan then began to kill a bunch of enemies, and before he knew it, he'd ranked up a total of 1,000 KOs before Iris had even managed to stop fangirling over Impa.

"Oh, so THAT's how you move…" Iris spoke, as they entered the second-to-last battle. Cilan was playing as Sheik by now, and was something like Level 32. Cilan began to randomly rage at the screen, now angrily pushing the buttons with his face. Iris stared at him, before hacking the game and giving Sheik a pink tutu.

Cilan, while pressing buttons with his face, accidentally turned the game off.

"Hey Cilan! Did you save?" Iris asked. The host looked at her with bewildered eyes.

"What's saving?"

**Want to see another gameplay session? Tune in next time!**

By now, Cilan was sitting up, rubbing his head. "Iris, what happened?" The wild-child had dragged him over to the soft chair.

"Well… you were mauled by half a million Purrloin, you passed out from deprivation of air, and I became a doctor!" Iris beamed.

Cilan looked at Iris strangely at that last statement, but decided to shrug it off and end the episode.

"Well… that was all. Look forwards to a new episode soon!"

Iris decided to join in on the fun.

"See you later on…

IT'S CILAN TIME!"

**After the show…**

Cilan knocked Iris against a wall. "I will kill you…" he growled, but Iris knocked him away. "Nope. Touch me again near that Dead Guest pile and you're in jail!" Cilan sighed and put some makeup on before running home. No marriage argument had ever gotten THAT severe.

Meanwhile, Iris decided to mess around with Cilan's wardrobe…

**There it is, I hope you liked it. And Iris may or may not return in a future episode. But you may or may not recognise her...**


End file.
